When it goes wrong

Grandpa Gregory had two grandsons, Andrew and Bill. Andrew was younger than Bill and spent many weekends at Grandpa Gregory’s house on a farm – more than Bill did in his younger years. As a result, Gregory had a closer relationship with Andrew than he did with Bill. Due to all the memories that Gregory and Andrew had together on the farm, Gregory told Andrew in a passing comment that Andrew could have his house and farm when he died. When Andrew was an adolescent, Gregory even went and had a will drawn up to make sure the farm would go to Andrew upon Gregory’s death. Though he did this, he completely forgot that he had told Andrew this – he thought it would be a nice surprise upon his death.

A few years later, Bill (the other brother) got married, had kids, and moved back to his hometown to be closer to his family, including his elderly grandfather. This happened right around the time Andrew moved away for college. Bill’s young daughters began to visit Grandpa Gregory since they now lived so close. Grandpa Gregory, saddened by the departure of Andrew, was greatly comforted and happy to be spending time with his great-granddaughters. Grandpa Gregory could feel the end was near for him and he wanted to make sure that the girls could continue spending time on the farm after he left. He decided to draft a new will. It seemed that Andrew was off at college, building a new future for himself – he didn’t have much time to come back and visit home, so Gregory presumed Andrew had lost interest in a future at the farm. So he went and visited his attorney and created a new will to give the farm to Bill. He did not see a need to discuss this with Andrew, as he did not think Andrew would expect or want the farm now. Gregory discussed with Bill his desire that the farm be cared for and passed on to the girls. Shortly after executing his new will, Gregory’s health began to decline and he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and other ailments.

The next year, right after Andrew graduated from college, Gregory passed away. Andrew was very sad. He felt guilty because he had not visited his grandfather as much as he had intended. His only solace was knowing that he would get the farm the two of them had spent so much time on.

When he found out that Grandpa Gregory’s will left the farm to his brother Bill, he was incredulous. Bill had never shown any interest in the farm and his grandfather had told Andrew that he would receive the farm. Overcome with grief over the loss of his grandfather, and refusing to believe that his grandfather would have reneged on his promise, Andrew concluded that Bill had conned an old, sick, and dying man into leaving Andrew’s inheritance to his brother. This belief was further reinforced because he knew that Bill had recently asked their mother for a loan to help cover an unexpected expense – he decided that, in desperation, Bill had conned their grandfather so that he could have this land as a financial resource.

After the funeral, Andrew confronted Bill with his suspicions. Bill, already sensitive about his recent financial troubles, was deeply offended that his little brother would believe that he had conned their grandfather. The two exchanged heated words, threw insults at each other, and didn’t speak for over a decade. In that time, even though Andrew moved back to his hometown, he missed out on spending quality time with his brother and his nieces.

Had things gone differently, Andrew and his nieces could have bonded over their similar memories with Grandpa Gregory on the farm. Instead, the girls grew up suspicious of their uncle, and by the time Andrew and Bill were reconciled, the girls were out of the house – they never developed a meaningful relationship with their Uncle Andrew.

This situation, which could have been avoided with a simple conversation by Grandpa Gregory, turned a time of grief into a moment of family trauma that created a ripple effect, dramatically affecting the relationships of the people Grandpa Gregory loved most. Had Gregory foreseen the dramatic effect this would have on the people he loved most, he most certainly would have done something to avoid such a dramatic and tragic outcome.

This most tragic part of this story is that Gregory actually did most of his estate planning correctly. Gregory was intentional and thoughtful about who would receive his most valuable asset, and he changed his will when his desires adjusted. Gregory did better than many people who die without a will at all. That said, he still had a tragic outcome because he never had a conversation with Andrew about his new intentions. Perhaps that might have been a difficult or awkward conversation for Gregory to have, but as difficult as it might have been, he instead left an expectation that would never be satisfied. Perhaps if Gregory had known that Andrew planned to return and enjoy time on the farm, he could have divided and given half to each of his grandsons or placed the farm in a Trust to be enjoyed by future generations. The point is that this family trauma could have been avoided by a simple conversation. After Gregory died, it was too late.