The Hallway Huddle

  2 min read

If you have ever spent significant time in a hospital, you may have seen two or three adults standing around talking in hushed tones. One or more of them is likely fighting back tears. The tone is an equal mixture of serious and strained.

We call this the “Hallway Huddle.” It’s the unfortunate place where too many families must make difficult decisions about medical care for their loved one.

Often, this involves adult siblings. A brother and sister have to consult each other, deciding whether to continue life support or remove it. In the worst situations, they disagree. It’s a “No, Mom wanted to try all available options” versus “No! She told me she didn’t want to suffer any more than she had to.” Sometimes, this disagreement even leads to one or more of them hiring an attorney.

Even when there is agreement, there is often guilt. Yes, you’re keeping dad alive, but are you prolonging his suffering? Mom wanted to go peacefully, but you feel like you’re “pulling the plug” on her. These moments and decisions often stick with people for the rest of their lives.

They also are fertile grounds for family dispute and trauma. A daughter may have been appointed the agent to make decisions, but her siblings may disagree with the choice she makes and resent her for the rest of their lives.

The greatest tragedy of all this is that you can avoid it with a simple conversation. Communicating your hope, expectations, and priorities can help your loved ones make decisions that are aligned with your values and give them clarity and peace.